My White Side

Its a beautiful day outside, and the first thing I thought to do was find a nice spot in the sun to chill. I chose the grass surrounding the bell tower. I found a nice place to sit, laid my jacket out, pulled my laptop out, looked around... and only saw white ppl. Cud the urge to b out in nature doing ramdom things to entertain myself b my white side coming out?

Before I continue let me clear a few things up. My parents are black, my grand parents are black and my great grand parents are black.

Moving on, this revelation caused me to think about other "white things" i do.

I listen to Imogen Heap
I wear my jeans 3 or 4 times before washing them
Im friendly to everyone
I rarely mop my kitchen floor and wen I do, I use paper towels and windex
I leave hair in the sink...and the drain
I eat hummus and like it
I dont like kool-aid or watermelon

Yup u herd it hear ladies and gentlemen. Now that u kno im not the cleanest person u kno and u'll probably never want to eat from my house... I have a confession to make

I want more white (and asian) friends.

I like their carefree spirits,down for whatever attitudes, and friendly personalities, even tho i think it's attributed NOT bein enslaved for hundreds of years.

B-Day Plans

My birthday wasnt anything spectacular, but I didnt really expect it to be.

I didnt plan anything and the only close friend i hav who is 21 got her i.d. stolen the day before. bummer.

I plan to make up for it this weekend tho, im throwing my first and probably last house party.

I wanted to hav a theme but didnt really feel passionate about anything but alcohol. So it's alcohol themed. Everyone will get a lil plastic shot glass and a list of drinking games upon entering. For the first couple of hours i plan to get fucked up playin the games. I hav a gud amount of ppl bringin bottles and im already gonna hav liq there. We're gonna get FUCKED up!

Im a kid at heart so of course im gonna walk around with a b-day girl tiara, hav a pinata and play drunken pin the tail on the donkey. All my closest friends and fam r coming from far and wide. Im so excited!

F-toDay

Hope you all enjoy the holiday with your loved ones, bcuz mine was eventful. I got a box of choclates and went out for lunch with old faithful, My newby wasnt even in town, and Im supposed to have a funfilled evening with bestie but she wants to invite someone else. Spoke to the ex and had a really long conversation with the most recent. Im left with a whole bunch of emotions, It's overwhelming. I've been happy, excited, disappointed, tired of pretending, frustrated, and calmed all in the last 6 hrs.

I really just want an L, a gud book, and a pad and pen to jot down my sparractic thoughts.

What face?...I looked like a lightbulb went off? (O shyt)
Aww stop making me blush...
Can't wait! Who wants to come? Nevermind...
We're not gonna talk about THAT rite now...
I really cant c us being friends...

Transitioning

Im about to get back on my blog shyt. Yea I kno I've claimed it a few times before, but this time Im fareal. I need to. I'm making major changes in my life and I need to document,express them, and maybe get some feedback. Every1 needs guidance. Here's a list of new decisions I've made in my life. For clarity, these arent things that I plan to do, there things that I've been doing.

1. I'm going to all my classes. I've experimented with different schedules in the past, the long weekend, the once a week classes, but I think that I've found 1 that really fits. Short classes on MWF so they aren't as agonizing and Tues and Thurs off as study days. This way I can be more motivated to go to classes because they're shorter and closer together, and I can stay in school mode because my free time is during thee week.

2. I'm no longer a clepto. I've been wanting to stop for a while, but my lesson was officially learned wen Rite Aid tried to set me up last week. So I go to the Aid for some plug in refills to keep my crib fresh with no intentions on paying for them. I pick them out, and lift them, then I notice the manager and undercover loss prevention guy b-line to the front of the store. How obvious. I still had intentions on taking it because I think I'm invincible and I knew there were no sensors. I continue shopping and I think to myself, "Self, u kno u hav the money to pay for this and karma hasnt been treating u gud lately, jus buy it" So i proceeded to the register for my purchase and as I walk out, the undercover nigga MAKES the sensor go off. So they pull me to the side preying on their new victim, but to no avail. I left smiling knowing that I made the right decision, and will continue to from now on.

3. Im celebate. Despite not having sex for almost 2 months now, I dont really miss it. Im interested in someone, but I want to wait until I've completely healed from the disaster I call friends with benefits. Sex complicates everything, and gets me really attached to a person. I want to b sure that Im doing it with someone who truly cares about me.

4. Im focusing on me. I've noticed that I sometimes crave attention from guys. Not good. When Im lonely or bored, I just call a dude to help entertain me. So I said to myself, "Self, u need to make urself happy". And that's what Im doing. Im looking for things to get involved in, focusing on what I want and what makes me happy, and making a plan for my future.

Love in An Illusion

Because its the end of the semester, I've been spending alot of time in the tech. Because of all the cappuccinos i've been cheating the sac and sevelev out of, disguising them as regular coffee, i've also had to make frequent bathroom trips. In the women's bathroom in the tech (the big one), there are a few stalls that are graffitied with Temple girls' comments and thoughts. Yes, I do enjoy reading these while i release all the bullshyt that college life and men bring to my life.

While relieving, I read a response that inspired me. It actually changed my whole way of thinking and instantly cured the disease we all kno as heartache. The first writing said "love fails". It was reciprocated with "Love's an illusion, a grand complex illusion we all seem to think is the only thing that matters, bcuz it might be the only thing we can count on." True right? Well I've mentioned it to a few others and they disagreed and said there were different types of love. So im editing the quote and saying, "Being in love is an illusion".

And it so true.

Not kidding, the instant i read this nugget of knowledge, all the butterflies and bubble guts in my stomach from the difficult situation i was in disappeared. It was amazing. Thank You anonymous toilet poet.

So if you're in a jam right now, and ur trying to get over someone, just remember that it is all an illusion. And the most likely reason ur so upset is bcuz u miss the person that ur so used to talking to and being with. Ur brain is so programmed on thinking about this person, that it continues even wen u dont want it to. Stay strong and remember that ur all u got, so u gotta keep urself happy above all.

A Dream Detered

It's 4 o'clock in the morning,

and I'm crying my eyes out.

Not because I hate my life, which I do right now, but because I hate school.
Im studying for a Marketing make-up exam, and nothing's sticking, if I get a bad grade on this test, I will have to withdraw from my third class at Temple. Waste my parents money for the third time, even tho Im gonna find a way to change my transcript before I show them. And get this, Marketing is my major.

Im not in any organizations
I dont have a job
I dont do any volunteer work
I have bad karma
and my love life sucks

This is my 15th consecutive year in school, and i've hated it for the past 7
Why do we have to be robots in society, forced to get a college degree because it's the only way we'll make a decent living -and that's not even guaranteed anymore. We've all heard of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. The Poor one was the one with all the degrees, are you depressed as I am yet?

The only reason I am still here is because my mother said it would be a slap in her face if I quit. But i want to REALLY bad or at least take sometime off. I faced that I was a quitter in high school when I couldnt commit to an extra curricular activity. I've become comfortable with it now.

If I do get this fucking degree, Im goin to lie about my volunteer work, activities, and GPA if possible, to my future employer, who I hate already. I cant even commit to my college schedule which is so not demanding, how am I possibly going to commit to a 9-5. Im not. Im gonna quit.

I hate being the only child. There's so much pressure to be a success because I'm all my parents have. Why can't I be a deadbeat in peace! Please friends, get extremely rich so you can hook me up with a job that I like. Like hanging out with you all day, or organizing your closet. Its a shame that my expectations are so low, but its hard to see the point of what I'm doing, let alone motivate myself.

I think I wanna just change my major to something I actually like doing. I almost have enough credits for a business minor. I think im gonna switch to STOC (public relations), what I came in as and just take the low starting salary. At least I'm doing something I like, and I may even go to fucking class.

But what about student loans? I already have mad shyt on my credit from the 2 measly years I've had it, how many more are they actually going to give me? And why the fuck is out-of-state tuition so much more? I should have went to a New Jersey school. Then I wouldnt miss grass and trees so much, and I'd have a car...probably not, but the thought of it makes me feel better.

K now that everyone knows why I'm not looking forward to my future, Im gonna go to sleep and wing it on this make-up exam tomorro off of studying 2 of 8 chapters. If the A was meant to get, it'll be gotten.

Sincerely,
The Pink Pessimist

Lions Tigers, and Bears

I heard this song off of Jazmine Sullivan's new album called Lions, Tigers, and Bears. The moment I heard it, I wanted to burst out into tears. It's about her being fearless of everything but loving a man. I am the type of person to become infatuated with someone I began talking to very quickly. After ending it with my ex, I was in no rush to feel anything towards anyone. I met this one guy and I liked him, I had plans for him to be my summer fling. I knew it wouldnt go too far because I was taking my time with my emotions, and I didn't like him like him. He just wasnt the type I'd make my man, until... I got attached. He's a very "to himself" type of person, so I saw it as a challenge to get him to open up. In order to do that I had to let my guard down so he could trust me to let his down. To counter this, I continued to talk to other guys, so I'd always have a plan B or a rebound.

Guess What! The shyt didn't work. He opened up, but the other dudes didnt stop the process of beatness. I didnt have as much control over my emotions as I thought I did. So while I was talking to at least 3 other guys, I would still be mad cuz this one nigga aint call me back when he said he would. It was crazy! NoOne EVER had me so beat, I hated it! And I didn't just absolutely adore him, I absolutely adored his whole family. This nigga has my heart in a chokehold and doesnt know it. So basically I'm not scared of Lions, Tigers, or Bears, but Im scared of loving him. Because he has so much control over his emotions and me, I'm scared to get my heart broken :( and I dont know how to undo it.

Sincerely
The Nieve Pimp

A Little Bit

I was watching MTV Jams or one of them over a friend's house and this video came on. Im into trying new things so I gave it a chance and I LOVED it. Her name is Lykke Li, enjoy :)

Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic

Has anyone seen Meet the Browns the movie? Gud Don't. It was so bad. I honestly think someone wrote this movie and paid Tyler Perry to use his name for publicity. It's nothing like the warm, cheerful, Diary of a Mad Black Woman or Madea's Family Reunion. In fact, Madea wasnt even in the shyt. The acting was bad, the plot was unrealistic, and the characters were obnoxious.

The point is...

Why can't my life be a Tyler Perry movie? If it were it'd be called Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic. It would open with me having a huge fight with my ex, throwing shyt, fighting, ya kno what I mean, everyone had that ex. Then he'd reveal that he was gay and the reason we fought so much was because he was having a love affair with Sergio, the fat kid down the hall. I'd kick him out and throw all his things at him as dramatic as I possibly could. Then I'd break down with a glass of wine on my dorm floor crying my heart out. To ease the pain, I'd smoke a blunt, get kicked out by dorm authories, and have to move back in with my grandmother Madea in Georgia.

I'd tell Madea, and after she'd make him seem like a complete asshole, and after I have to convince her not to find and kill him, only because she's on house arrest, the door bell would ring. Madea would inform me that it was probably the guy who lived down the street coming to pick up the pie she made to bring to his grandmother. I'd open the door and to my suprise it would be the finest black man I'd ever seen in my life (like all the others casted in Madea movies). I'd be taken aback by his fineness but regain my loathe and distrust that I felt towards all men. He'd be able to read the expression on my face and ask me what's wrong, and I'd lash back, "Nothing, I'm not bitter, I'm just mad as hell!".

I'd run into him again at the bus stop, about to ride home from work. He'd pull up in his red BMW 650 convertible, and offer me a ride. I'd say no, but then he'd beg to take me to Tangerine for dinner, so I'd comply. At dinner, he'd tell me all about his life and how he started his own business at 18, was the only child, had TOO much money, loved to spoil women, and how his only goal in life was to find a witty, moody, lazy, big head, light skinned bitch with a small amount of belly fat that she just couldnt get rid of to spend the rest of his life with. I'd be shocked that he was everything I ever wanted. He'd just happen to have a canary diamond ring and propose to me then and there. He'd pay to get my teeth whitened and straightened, a boob job, a Beyonce weave and an endless supply of sour diesel and ben & jerry's cinnamon buns flavored ice cream.

We'd have the biggest wedding over in Jamaica, he'd fly all my friends and family over. They'd serve fresh mozzerella, buffalo wings, bbq chicken flatbread from Bahama Breeze, and bbq chx quesodillas. At the reception, we wouldn't toast glasses of champange, we'd pass el's of ganga. All we'd listen to is jersey club, old school hip hop, and indie rock. We'd make crazy love all over the beaches of Negril that night. And wud travel the world for the rest of our lives.

And then I'd wake up, cuz Tyler Perry cud never make a movie that amazing.

10 and counting...

I met with my accounting professor this morning to see how I could complete the incomplete that I so graciously received last semester, and decided to stop into the career center to get a little advice. For those who don't know, the business school has its own career development center, and they require you take two workshops before you can register on "Foxnet" and start looking at internships. I took the two, but wanted to go ask the lady who gave the workshops if I should take the interview workshop before I started to apply for internships.

Little did I know this ONE inquiry would change my college career.

First let me tell you that the woman I met with is black and she has to be one of the most dramatic people I have ever witnessed, I like her tho- ALOT, because she's honest.

So after I ask her my question she asks me a series of questions like what my major is, what industry I would like to work in, what my GPA is, and what activities I was involved in. After viewing the weirdest expressions on face and feeling like a complete slacker with the answers to those questions, we began to make something out of nothing. I basically found out that if I want a good job in the Marketing field, I need a really high GPA or have to possess super extra curricular activity powers. I have neither.

Because I'm not really passionate about Marketing, (I honestly don't know anything aside from what I've learn in the one once a week class of Marketing that I have had, which still means virtually nothing) I'd do better off majoring in Accounting. She said she wasn't trying to make me change my major but, realistically it would get me more exposure to employers. And anyone who knows me knows that I have no problem changing my major in a heartbeat. I came in as STOC, then I switched to entrepreneurship, then Marketing, and nowAccounting. I am taking 18 credts this semester (2 of which I'm making up from last semester) and HAVE to get four A's.

So, if you forget what I look like, its not because Im pledging, its because these next 10 weeks will be the most critical weeks of my life. I have to get my GPA back up so that I can apply for the best summer internships, that will get me the best jobs. Its time to stop being so damn lazy and right what went wrong.

Wish me luck

Offically My Girl

First let me inform you all that I am still hanging strong with my heterosexuality, but THIS lil bitch is SEXY. I read a science study last year in the NY Times that said females are attracted to both genders. When they ran tests that involved a bunch of those suction cups to peoples heads and some erotic (hehe- i like that word) images projected on a screen, they found that all the females were sexually eroused (<-i like that 1 too!) by both male AND female images. Their straight male counterparts however, were only turned on by chicks.

So... I've justified why I can have wild fantasies about this pretty ass latina and still strictly be dickly. BAHDAMN! she's hot! from the little butt cheeks peekin from under the lace hip huggers, to her fly ass 3 finger ring, to how fuckin gorgeous she is.

Anyway... check out the video- its cute, Lil Wayne is in it for all you robots... Cassie- Official Girl (Anyone notice how she isnt in Ryan Leslie's Addicted to You, even tho she does the chorus? I heard they used to date, maybe they can't stand each other long enough to shoot a video? no wait..., that was around the same time she took me on this little vaca a couple months back, she actually sang the same song to me :)

The Hitt-age of Shit to the Fan

(warning: any animosity that seems to reveal itself thru my words is intentional)


If you’ve spoken to me this semester then 9 times out of 10, you know that I fucked up last semester. I slept thru class, drank, smoked, flirted and partied my little heart out. So naturally, my grades suffered and earned me a 0.6 GPA; shouldn’t there be some sort of award for that? (don’t get the game fucked up, I still managed a 3.0 cumulatively) Anywho, I had my logical reasons for cuttin up, my parents were pretty upset but I thought it was worth the extremely large amounts of fun I had… until I returned.


Now, half the people I hung out with or ping ponged my way back and forth to, I don’t like. First, let me warn all Temple students that it may soon be impossible to breathe with all the phoniness congesting the air. I do not recommend that you stay in the SAC for longer than a half an hour, attend small gatherings in people’s homes, or mate with any of the students here. Avoid these things and you may just be safe from the toxic faux friendships that will present themselves.


It’s so easy now to just see right thru people. I can tell if you really don’t want to hug me or say hi, so just don’t. It’ll save us both time and energy, and I don’t have to feel bad for being uncordial. Please don’t think this is directed towards one individual or even group, it’s directed at you all. And there is no one thing that caused me to feel this way; it’s a series of events. And if you’re wondering right now if it cud b u I’m referring to, it is. It is however related to me realizing that I don’t need to have a bunch of friends to have fun or be content. I’m already content with the few people I speak to everyday, who love me and actually care about my well-being. And if you’re wondering right now if it cud b u I’m referring to, it is. I love you all, I appreciate your friendship.


Disregard this if you are a funny person, like hilarious, cuz I like all funny people, phony or not.

Meet My RoomME

Ahh.. the summer's finally coming to an end, crazy as usual but im ready to get bac on my dean. After months of procrastinating, I finally found a place.

All to myself! All by myself! All alone?

Im an only child, so I can get kinda picky and spoiled when it comes certain things like... I hate returning to my 'space' with things arranged differently then I left them, and I can't speak to anyone for the first 10mins of returning home from work or school, and as crazy as it sounds the energy of my house has to be a certain way in order for me to not spaz on howevers around.

Carrying these frustrating burdens of sibling singality, it's obvious that I need to live by myself. I can decorate how I want to, add a plant and running water to regulate the flow of positive energy, roam "freely", invite company to roam me freely, I don't have to clean up after any mess that I didnt make, i can enjoy absolute silence when I need to, I dont have to worry about anyone else's "noises" waking me up, and I dont have to put up with any unwanted company. Now Now I know that everyone doesnt have the luxury of living on their own, so this bit may make you feel more fortunate.

Im kinda scared...

This is going to be the first time Im living alone alone. If I get scared, I wont have anyone to run to. If I get sick nobody will be there in case of an emergency. Im more vulnerable to an intruder. I won't have anyone to pass me stuff when I get too lazy to get it myself. Noone to share a late night bluntette with or even possibly a wake and bake. No one to split the bills with. No feeling of comfort from miscellaneous sounds of movement or shuffling coming simply from presence of another being...

Then I remember that Im way too selfcentered and bossy for any of that shyt to outway the joy of having my OWN shyt. :)

Attention

I jus wanted to let everyone kno that i've been too fucked up over the past couple of days to post any blogs...

Thank You

He Wants to Be The Reason I Smile

"I like you b/c you're really unique, and strong, really pretty...and you seem like you're about something."

"your outlook on life seems really unique to me. like you just seem real."

-My Sweetheart

Making Amends

Is it just me or has the word verification thingys gotten more difficult since i've posted that blog?

I just want to take this time to apologize to the word verifiers

i didn't mean to offend you

please change it back : )

Thank You

Hot Fresh Every Day

Anyone who knows me could tell you that I have ZERO patience. So when the new bagel shop, Einstein Bros, opened up in the SAC, I immediately forfeited any opportunity of trying it due to its continuously long line. I didn't know whether this was due to the 2,000 extra freshman that Temple took on or because it was that good. After pulling an all nighter (not the ones u do work for) with Brandi, we decided to eat breakfast at the SAC. After my utter amazement over the amount of ppl who actually get to campus early enough to eat breakfast BEFORE their 8:40, and seeing that there were only 3 ppl in line, I made up my mind to try the latest addition.

Me and Brandi are ON IT!


I made it just in time, no lie, 10 secs later, like 7 more ppl joined the line, the masses are addicted.

Brandi enjoyed a toasted plain bagel with veggie cream cheese. Garlic breath in the morning? not a gud look.

And I devoured my Tomato, Spinach, Parmesan Omelet on a toasted Asiago bagel.

Yummy! Einstein really was a genius!

So after my careful evaluation, the new bagel spot earns a B. I was impressed with its sufficient barriers to keep its customers orderly, but the line is always long. There is a 'Order and Pick Up' system that works pretty well, however I was disappointed with the skills of its workers. The woman at the counter should work on her spelling, i was Cira. I was also excited that the sandwich i got allowed me to get a cappuccino an still be covered on my meal plan. I'll definitely be back, but only early in the morning or late in the day.

Hello My Name is Ciara, and Im an Alcoholic

Here's more for ur enjoyment!

Verify This

I hate those stupid little word verification things that i hav to fill out everytime i comment on sum1's blog! Its supposed to prevent spyware or sum shyt like that, but FUCK THAT! It wud b different if the alpha combinations were simple, but they're all morphed and shyt and sumtimes i get them wrong :(

So if u have less than 500 on ur blog counter (which includes all my immediate friends), chances are- u don't hav spyware issues. Take that shyt off!

And y, everytime i try to insert a pic, it goes straight to the top?
Shyts pissin me off!

Reverse Karma

So wat I take out my frustrations of past relationships and current disappointments on innocent admirers, they probably did something fucked up in the past to deserve it anyway. Karma is a Bitch, Reverse Karma is even Bitchier!

Reverse Karma- n.- the cosmic principle that alllows a person to punish or reward the next nigga according to bad deeds that were done to her.