A Dream Detered

It's 4 o'clock in the morning,

and I'm crying my eyes out.

Not because I hate my life, which I do right now, but because I hate school.
Im studying for a Marketing make-up exam, and nothing's sticking, if I get a bad grade on this test, I will have to withdraw from my third class at Temple. Waste my parents money for the third time, even tho Im gonna find a way to change my transcript before I show them. And get this, Marketing is my major.

Im not in any organizations
I dont have a job
I dont do any volunteer work
I have bad karma
and my love life sucks

This is my 15th consecutive year in school, and i've hated it for the past 7
Why do we have to be robots in society, forced to get a college degree because it's the only way we'll make a decent living -and that's not even guaranteed anymore. We've all heard of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. The Poor one was the one with all the degrees, are you depressed as I am yet?

The only reason I am still here is because my mother said it would be a slap in her face if I quit. But i want to REALLY bad or at least take sometime off. I faced that I was a quitter in high school when I couldnt commit to an extra curricular activity. I've become comfortable with it now.

If I do get this fucking degree, Im goin to lie about my volunteer work, activities, and GPA if possible, to my future employer, who I hate already. I cant even commit to my college schedule which is so not demanding, how am I possibly going to commit to a 9-5. Im not. Im gonna quit.

I hate being the only child. There's so much pressure to be a success because I'm all my parents have. Why can't I be a deadbeat in peace! Please friends, get extremely rich so you can hook me up with a job that I like. Like hanging out with you all day, or organizing your closet. Its a shame that my expectations are so low, but its hard to see the point of what I'm doing, let alone motivate myself.

I think I wanna just change my major to something I actually like doing. I almost have enough credits for a business minor. I think im gonna switch to STOC (public relations), what I came in as and just take the low starting salary. At least I'm doing something I like, and I may even go to fucking class.

But what about student loans? I already have mad shyt on my credit from the 2 measly years I've had it, how many more are they actually going to give me? And why the fuck is out-of-state tuition so much more? I should have went to a New Jersey school. Then I wouldnt miss grass and trees so much, and I'd have a car...probably not, but the thought of it makes me feel better.

K now that everyone knows why I'm not looking forward to my future, Im gonna go to sleep and wing it on this make-up exam tomorro off of studying 2 of 8 chapters. If the A was meant to get, it'll be gotten.

Sincerely,
The Pink Pessimist

Lions Tigers, and Bears

I heard this song off of Jazmine Sullivan's new album called Lions, Tigers, and Bears. The moment I heard it, I wanted to burst out into tears. It's about her being fearless of everything but loving a man. I am the type of person to become infatuated with someone I began talking to very quickly. After ending it with my ex, I was in no rush to feel anything towards anyone. I met this one guy and I liked him, I had plans for him to be my summer fling. I knew it wouldnt go too far because I was taking my time with my emotions, and I didn't like him like him. He just wasnt the type I'd make my man, until... I got attached. He's a very "to himself" type of person, so I saw it as a challenge to get him to open up. In order to do that I had to let my guard down so he could trust me to let his down. To counter this, I continued to talk to other guys, so I'd always have a plan B or a rebound.

Guess What! The shyt didn't work. He opened up, but the other dudes didnt stop the process of beatness. I didnt have as much control over my emotions as I thought I did. So while I was talking to at least 3 other guys, I would still be mad cuz this one nigga aint call me back when he said he would. It was crazy! NoOne EVER had me so beat, I hated it! And I didn't just absolutely adore him, I absolutely adored his whole family. This nigga has my heart in a chokehold and doesnt know it. So basically I'm not scared of Lions, Tigers, or Bears, but Im scared of loving him. Because he has so much control over his emotions and me, I'm scared to get my heart broken :( and I dont know how to undo it.

Sincerely
The Nieve Pimp

A Little Bit

I was watching MTV Jams or one of them over a friend's house and this video came on. Im into trying new things so I gave it a chance and I LOVED it. Her name is Lykke Li, enjoy :)

Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic

Has anyone seen Meet the Browns the movie? Gud Don't. It was so bad. I honestly think someone wrote this movie and paid Tyler Perry to use his name for publicity. It's nothing like the warm, cheerful, Diary of a Mad Black Woman or Madea's Family Reunion. In fact, Madea wasnt even in the shyt. The acting was bad, the plot was unrealistic, and the characters were obnoxious.

The point is...

Why can't my life be a Tyler Perry movie? If it were it'd be called Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic. It would open with me having a huge fight with my ex, throwing shyt, fighting, ya kno what I mean, everyone had that ex. Then he'd reveal that he was gay and the reason we fought so much was because he was having a love affair with Sergio, the fat kid down the hall. I'd kick him out and throw all his things at him as dramatic as I possibly could. Then I'd break down with a glass of wine on my dorm floor crying my heart out. To ease the pain, I'd smoke a blunt, get kicked out by dorm authories, and have to move back in with my grandmother Madea in Georgia.

I'd tell Madea, and after she'd make him seem like a complete asshole, and after I have to convince her not to find and kill him, only because she's on house arrest, the door bell would ring. Madea would inform me that it was probably the guy who lived down the street coming to pick up the pie she made to bring to his grandmother. I'd open the door and to my suprise it would be the finest black man I'd ever seen in my life (like all the others casted in Madea movies). I'd be taken aback by his fineness but regain my loathe and distrust that I felt towards all men. He'd be able to read the expression on my face and ask me what's wrong, and I'd lash back, "Nothing, I'm not bitter, I'm just mad as hell!".

I'd run into him again at the bus stop, about to ride home from work. He'd pull up in his red BMW 650 convertible, and offer me a ride. I'd say no, but then he'd beg to take me to Tangerine for dinner, so I'd comply. At dinner, he'd tell me all about his life and how he started his own business at 18, was the only child, had TOO much money, loved to spoil women, and how his only goal in life was to find a witty, moody, lazy, big head, light skinned bitch with a small amount of belly fat that she just couldnt get rid of to spend the rest of his life with. I'd be shocked that he was everything I ever wanted. He'd just happen to have a canary diamond ring and propose to me then and there. He'd pay to get my teeth whitened and straightened, a boob job, a Beyonce weave and an endless supply of sour diesel and ben & jerry's cinnamon buns flavored ice cream.

We'd have the biggest wedding over in Jamaica, he'd fly all my friends and family over. They'd serve fresh mozzerella, buffalo wings, bbq chicken flatbread from Bahama Breeze, and bbq chx quesodillas. At the reception, we wouldn't toast glasses of champange, we'd pass el's of ganga. All we'd listen to is jersey club, old school hip hop, and indie rock. We'd make crazy love all over the beaches of Negril that night. And wud travel the world for the rest of our lives.

And then I'd wake up, cuz Tyler Perry cud never make a movie that amazing.