A Dream Detered

It's 4 o'clock in the morning,

and I'm crying my eyes out.

Not because I hate my life, which I do right now, but because I hate school.
Im studying for a Marketing make-up exam, and nothing's sticking, if I get a bad grade on this test, I will have to withdraw from my third class at Temple. Waste my parents money for the third time, even tho Im gonna find a way to change my transcript before I show them. And get this, Marketing is my major.

Im not in any organizations
I dont have a job
I dont do any volunteer work
I have bad karma
and my love life sucks

This is my 15th consecutive year in school, and i've hated it for the past 7
Why do we have to be robots in society, forced to get a college degree because it's the only way we'll make a decent living -and that's not even guaranteed anymore. We've all heard of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. The Poor one was the one with all the degrees, are you depressed as I am yet?

The only reason I am still here is because my mother said it would be a slap in her face if I quit. But i want to REALLY bad or at least take sometime off. I faced that I was a quitter in high school when I couldnt commit to an extra curricular activity. I've become comfortable with it now.

If I do get this fucking degree, Im goin to lie about my volunteer work, activities, and GPA if possible, to my future employer, who I hate already. I cant even commit to my college schedule which is so not demanding, how am I possibly going to commit to a 9-5. Im not. Im gonna quit.

I hate being the only child. There's so much pressure to be a success because I'm all my parents have. Why can't I be a deadbeat in peace! Please friends, get extremely rich so you can hook me up with a job that I like. Like hanging out with you all day, or organizing your closet. Its a shame that my expectations are so low, but its hard to see the point of what I'm doing, let alone motivate myself.

I think I wanna just change my major to something I actually like doing. I almost have enough credits for a business minor. I think im gonna switch to STOC (public relations), what I came in as and just take the low starting salary. At least I'm doing something I like, and I may even go to fucking class.

But what about student loans? I already have mad shyt on my credit from the 2 measly years I've had it, how many more are they actually going to give me? And why the fuck is out-of-state tuition so much more? I should have went to a New Jersey school. Then I wouldnt miss grass and trees so much, and I'd have a car...probably not, but the thought of it makes me feel better.

K now that everyone knows why I'm not looking forward to my future, Im gonna go to sleep and wing it on this make-up exam tomorro off of studying 2 of 8 chapters. If the A was meant to get, it'll be gotten.

Sincerely,
The Pink Pessimist