Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic

Has anyone seen Meet the Browns the movie? Gud Don't. It was so bad. I honestly think someone wrote this movie and paid Tyler Perry to use his name for publicity. It's nothing like the warm, cheerful, Diary of a Mad Black Woman or Madea's Family Reunion. In fact, Madea wasnt even in the shyt. The acting was bad, the plot was unrealistic, and the characters were obnoxious.

The point is...

Why can't my life be a Tyler Perry movie? If it were it'd be called Diary of a Mad Hopeless Romantic. It would open with me having a huge fight with my ex, throwing shyt, fighting, ya kno what I mean, everyone had that ex. Then he'd reveal that he was gay and the reason we fought so much was because he was having a love affair with Sergio, the fat kid down the hall. I'd kick him out and throw all his things at him as dramatic as I possibly could. Then I'd break down with a glass of wine on my dorm floor crying my heart out. To ease the pain, I'd smoke a blunt, get kicked out by dorm authories, and have to move back in with my grandmother Madea in Georgia.

I'd tell Madea, and after she'd make him seem like a complete asshole, and after I have to convince her not to find and kill him, only because she's on house arrest, the door bell would ring. Madea would inform me that it was probably the guy who lived down the street coming to pick up the pie she made to bring to his grandmother. I'd open the door and to my suprise it would be the finest black man I'd ever seen in my life (like all the others casted in Madea movies). I'd be taken aback by his fineness but regain my loathe and distrust that I felt towards all men. He'd be able to read the expression on my face and ask me what's wrong, and I'd lash back, "Nothing, I'm not bitter, I'm just mad as hell!".

I'd run into him again at the bus stop, about to ride home from work. He'd pull up in his red BMW 650 convertible, and offer me a ride. I'd say no, but then he'd beg to take me to Tangerine for dinner, so I'd comply. At dinner, he'd tell me all about his life and how he started his own business at 18, was the only child, had TOO much money, loved to spoil women, and how his only goal in life was to find a witty, moody, lazy, big head, light skinned bitch with a small amount of belly fat that she just couldnt get rid of to spend the rest of his life with. I'd be shocked that he was everything I ever wanted. He'd just happen to have a canary diamond ring and propose to me then and there. He'd pay to get my teeth whitened and straightened, a boob job, a Beyonce weave and an endless supply of sour diesel and ben & jerry's cinnamon buns flavored ice cream.

We'd have the biggest wedding over in Jamaica, he'd fly all my friends and family over. They'd serve fresh mozzerella, buffalo wings, bbq chicken flatbread from Bahama Breeze, and bbq chx quesodillas. At the reception, we wouldn't toast glasses of champange, we'd pass el's of ganga. All we'd listen to is jersey club, old school hip hop, and indie rock. We'd make crazy love all over the beaches of Negril that night. And wud travel the world for the rest of our lives.

And then I'd wake up, cuz Tyler Perry cud never make a movie that amazing.